Q:

I have a sexual heath question:

I am a female in a committed monogamous relationship. My issue is that whenever I mess around with my boyfriend I always reach a point where I can't seem to enjoy it anymore. This usually happens when he touches my vagina. It's not that I do not want to go any further but rather feels like my body becomes incredibly sensitive and I cannot stand to be touched. I am really into it before and then it's like a window shuts. It is really frustrating and uncomfortable for the both of us. I am wondering if this is a psychological block or a physical one. I don't know whether pushing past that point would make it better or not. I am a virgin and this problem makes me worried about having sex in the future. What is my problem?

 

A:

It is possible to get so sensitive in the genital area that it is no longer pleasurable and becomes uncomfortable, so there is nothing wrong with your response.  What is a challenge is to help a partner to know what is most pleasurable for you and to guide them in that type of rhythm and touch.

Assuming you know what feels best when you self-stimulate, that is what also can work for your partner to learn, either by watching you self stimulate or you guide your partner to participate.   When the touch gets uncomfortable, back off, start slow again, and don't push through.  Pushing through tends to cause even more muscle tension and tightness and it can get even more painful.

A classic book is Lonnie Barbach's  For Each Other with its companion volume For Yourself.

~The Doc