Q:

My boyfriend and I have only been together for a few months and became very close over the summer but now since school started we live about six and a half hours apart. He moved away about a month ago and it has been very difficult ever since. We have seen each other every other weekend but every time we are apart, we grow apart from each other. He is very busy with school, work, homework, and hanging out with friends if he has time, so we don't get to talk as much as we would like to. We really want to stay together but it makes both of us sad to be apart so we don't know what to do. We have been talking about whether or not we should break up lately.

 

A:

It sounds as if your college decisions were made before your relationship began, so you knew when you started getting closer that your relationship would be long distance.  Some couples make it work despite the distance but most young adults find it very difficult.  It is a challenge for both of you to really get involved in your new community when you are traveling to see each other over weekends, which are likely highly emotionally (and physically) intense times together that leave you both more exhausted than filled up.

Giving each other emotional and physical space makes sense--stay in touch but don't have expectations for the future at this point.  If your relationship is meant to last, then you will pick up where you left off when you do have time together again. That may mean you will grow apart because college is a time of finding new friends and community, and yes, relationships that will develop with other people. 

Do you "break up"?  In the sense of you are no longer "in a relationship" on Facebook and committing to the every other weekend trips--maybe that is wisest.  Do you still love and care about each other from a distance? Of course.

~The Doc