Q:
My roommate has been under a LOT of stress recently. She has been very depressed and more depressed than I have ever seen her before. The other night I observed her, unknowing that I was there, repeatedly beat herself and even cut herself once I didn't know what to do. Today she seemed happier, though. She said it was because she hit her low and it couldn't get any worse. Recently I've noticed her arms and legs covered in bruises that are well hidden under winter layers of clothing. They are deep bruises. This is scaring me.
I've tried to get her to go to the counseling center but she failed to see a problem as she denies things or claims "nobody cares anyways." I would like to know if there is anything I can do. This is affecting the whole apartment dynamic. But I am mostly worried about how far she may go in the future when more stress causes more pressure.
Do you have any advice? If so, please just give it to me straight. Don't pussyfoot around the serious tension I am under. Thank you.
A:
The Counseling Center sees many friends and roommates who are concerned about the well being of another person they are close to. There are some tools they can give you to help cope with being with someone who is doing self-destructive behavior and how to set self-protective boundaries. In some cases, an intervention (a group of friends/family) can be facilitated with the help of a counselor to get the person who is struggling to see the effect their behavior is having on others around them and to compel them to seek help. This is used in addictive behaviors as well as self-destructive behaviors.
When someone is hurting themselves, it often is their way of relieving their emotional pain, by experiencing physical pain instead. It can be potentially life threatening, but usually is not. It is, however, behavior that does not facilitate the emotional healing and hard work of therapy that is needed to fully recover from mood disorders and other depressive conditions. Your roommate needs to learn skills to cope without managing things with physical injury. Professional help is really the only effective way to manage this.
~The Doc
