Ask the Doc

Q:

Recently I have been upset and worried about a few things. One of the biggest is my parent's marriage, and the fact that I'm sure it will not last much longer. I have a lot of concerns about it and feel upset about the fact that one of my parents expresses their dislike towards the other to me. I was considering going to the counseling center because I think it would be good to talk to someone, but I'm concerned that my problem seems too petty, as it is not an emergency or something that even effects me day to day. Is there something else I can do to help myself with this issue?

A:

Parents' potential divorce certainly is something very concerning. You probably are also dealing with the stressors all students are this time in the quarter. Something as disruptive as parents in conflict is quite significant and warrants a visit to the Counseling Center for help for you, but first some suggestions on how to keep yourself clear of the conflict.

A parent confiding in you their grievances about the other parent puts you in an untenable position. Your job is not to choose sides, but to have the relationship with each parent as seems right to YOU. The next time your parent speaks ill of the other you can gently and firmly remind him or her that you do not want to be brought into their conflict. Suggesting that your parent(s) seek counseling for themselves as they go through this difficult time is a way they will get the objective support they are needing now.

As a member of the family, you do have a right to know what will be happening and how it will affect you. If your parents do ultimately get a divorce there will be some questions you will want answers to. Will you have the opportunity to spend time with each parent as you desire? Will this affect practicalities in your life, like how your tuition is paid and where your medical insurance is covered? How and where will family holidays be celebrated?

Definitely give yourself the opportunity to get support for you at this time. The Counseling Center (650-3264) can be a valuable resource for you now and may help you make sure you don't find yourself in an emergency state later on. In addition to speaking with a counselor individually, their Relaxation Class can help you learn strategies for managing the stress your family problems are creating.

~The Doc



	Q: Recently I have been upset and worried about a few things. One of the biggest is my parent's marriage, and the fact that I'm sure it will not last much longer. I have a lot of concerns about it and feel upset about the fact that one of my parents expresses their dislike towards the other to me. I was considering going to the counseling center because I think it would be good to talk to someone, but I'm concerned that my problem seems too petty, as it is not an emergency or something that even effects me day to day. Is there something else I can do to help myself with this issue? A: Parents' potential divorce certainly is something very concerning. You probably are also dealing with the stressors all students are this time in the quarter. Something as disruptive as parents in conflict is quite significant and warrants a visit to the Counseling Center for help for you, but first some suggestions on how to keep yourself clear of the conflict. A parent confiding in you their grievances about the other parent puts you in an untenable position. Your job is not to choose sides, but to have the relationship with each parent as seems right to YOU. The next time your parent speaks ill of the other you can gently and firmly remind him or her that you do not want to be brought into their conflict. Suggesting that your parent(s) seek counseling for themselves as they go through this difficult time is a way they will get the objective support they are needing now. As a member of the family, you do have a right to know what will be happening and how it will affect you. If your parents do ultimately get a divorce there will be some questions you will want answers to. Will you have the opportunity to spend time with each parent as you desire? Will this affect practicalities in your life, like how your tuition is paid and where your medical insurance is covered? How and where will family holidays be celebrated? Definitely give yourself the opportunity to get support for you at this time. The Counseling Center (650-3264) can be a valuable resource for you now and may help you make sure you don't find yourself in an emergency state later on. In addition to speaking with a counselor individually, their Relaxation Class can help you learn strategies for managing the stress your family problems are creating. ~The Doc