Hello. I am currently unsure if I am on the edge of a complete mental collapse or not. The whole of my life has been a level headed one and a mentally happy one. My friends have always commented on how oddly normal my mental state is (nothing traumatic has ever happened to me). I consider myself to be a very intelligent individual, however starting 4 months ago I started to become dissociative and overly lazy. This has progressed to extreme habits of self destruction (such as intentionally dating two girls to intentionally have them find out to be hurt and hurt me in return). I feel as if I'm not longer myself and more as if I'm watching myself. I've had a history of focus issues since grade school but they have been purely hyperactivity and attention problems. I have recently become someone I do NOT recognize, an evil selfish strange person. And all my friends and family know me as a happy friendly and stable individual and I have to agree...

Yesterday I felt as if my body was going to explode from the inside out but I was not suffering a panic attack. I feel hazy and strange, and this has been going on for 4 months. The only thing that makes me feel 'human' is XR Adderol that my friend gives me when I'm having exceptionally chaotic days, and it seems to bring me back into reality. Why? I have no idea, I hate medication so I've been trying other things such as coffee and vitamins.

What do I do? I feel myself thinking so quickly (like a mental Rolodex with pictures) that I get so overwhelmed that I just stay in bed all day to avoid the toils of my own mind. My schoolwork is taking major damage and I'm almost completely useless now. I feel like I'm on the edge of insanity (and this is all NEW!). I'm not one to ask for help so this is really going out on a limb here. Thank you for any help.

First off, good for you for deciding to ask the questions about your concerns.  I hope this will be a step forward allowing you to get some insight into why things don't feel normal for you.

Any marked change in attitude, energy, thinking process and mood deserves an evaluation to sort out the potential cause and identify possible treatment approaches. What you are describing sounds most like a mood disorder, such as bipolar disorder, which can result in some of the behavioral changes you have experienced, however there are also metabolic (such as thyroid or blood sugar disturbances) and rarely brain disorders that can be the cause.

A full mental health evaluation is available at the Counseling Center on campus at no charge. Depending on their initial assessment, they may recommend a psychiatric evaluation at the Student Health Center which is also at no charge.

One caution is to avoid self-medication, especially with stimulants. Sharing of prescription medications has the potential of causing worsening symptoms as some medications can be contraindicated in certain conditions. It is best to review pharmacologic approaches with a mental health clinician if you are at all receptive to medication as treatment.