CASAS is collecting stories of experiences with violence. Sharing your story and reading about others' experiences can sometimes be empowering and comforting.

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"It was four weeks ago. I am sixteen years old. He was a friend. I barely knew him, but what I did know was that he was the kind of guy that would never notice me. When a friend told me that he wanted to ask me out, I was thrilled. Over the weekend I thought about what I would say, when he asked me out. I wasn't sure- I didn't know him that well, but it didn't matter anyways. By Monday, he already had a different girlfriend. I was bummed about it, but I kept on going about my business.
On Friday, I found out that we had a field trip together. I was happy to get to hang out with him, even if he had a girlfriend. On the trip, he told me that she'd dumped him. I wasn't sure how to react. I said that I was sorry- but he really didn't seem to care about it. We spent all day at a ropes course together- and he acted like he wasn't interested at all- so I just went about my own 'only friends' attitude. When we were about to head back home he asked if I'd sit on the bus with him. I accepted and thought about what we'd talk about. When we got on the bus, he was sitting by the window in the back, and I was sitting in the hall. He asked if we could sit across the isle. I didn't think about why, but he waited for me to sit by the window seat. I didn't figure it out until after it happened. He didn't want anyone to be able to see me.
We started going home- and he put his hand on my knee. It didn't bother me, it was a friendly gesture- and it wasn't inappropriate at all. As we started to go, he started to massage my leg. He'd keep turning around and every time he would, his hand slid up farther. My heart raced. I didn't know what to do. It wasn't really happening. Finally, his hand was on my genitals. He was massaging harder and harder, and I was looking out the window- my eyes watering. I felt like I was somewhere else. I looked up the bus at the teachers. I hoped that they'd look back and see that something was wrong. I kept thinking that they'd save me- but they never did. I could see his face through my peripheral vision. It was unreal. He didn't look like the person I knew. He looked like someone else.
Finally- we got to school. He acted like nothing had happened. And so did I. But when I got off the bus my eyes started to water.. I saw my friend Megan, and I walked up to her. She asked how it was- and I couldn't say anything. I just motioned for her to follow me, and we walked into the bathroom. That's when I slipped into silence. I couldn't tell her what happened, or anyone else. I still can't talk about it. I see him every day. He looks at me and pretends like nothing happened. I hide behind my hair and my schoolwork.
I keep thinking that it never happened. But it did. If I could talk again, I would just say no."

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