Lonely in a Social World
Do you ever feel like you’re on the outside looking in? Like everyone but you has a friend-group, people to hang out with, a boyfriend or girlfriend, or weekend social activities? In the book, Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection, Cacioppo and Patrick explain how chronic loneliness - the subjective sense of social isolation - uniquely disrupts our perceptions, behavior, and physiology.
Although loneliness is one of the most common issues that college students experience, most of us do a fairly good job of hiding this feeling from others. Thus, we don't realize that we aren't the only ones feeling so socially disconnected.
How can you relieve loneliness?
While having a close interpersonal connection with others seems to be important to most people, it often feels like one of the most difficult things to obtain. Here are some ways you can create a change in your life:
Help Someone
Prof Cacioppo explains altruism and volunteering can help people overcome loneliness because we all need to feel needed. forces people to interact but in a safe environment where the beneficiary is likely to be grateful. Therefore this increases the volunteers sense of worth and help ease them out of the downward spiral of increasing isolation, depression etc that loneliness can cause.You can send someone an uplifting email, write a heartfelt letter, pet-sit, baby-sit, run an errand or whatever other little task keeps you busy and makes you feel useful and good.
Work on liking yourself.
If you don’t like yourself, it is hard to feel that others will like you. This often makes it difficult to reach out to others. What can you do to raise your self-esteem? One very simple thing is to work on managing any unpleasant thoughts you have about yourself. Try to think more positively about yourself and try to be more accepting. Another thing you can do to improve your self-esteem is to focus on taking very good care of yourself. Eat healthy food. Get plenty of rest. Do fun things that you enjoy. There are many books filled with good ideas on how to raise your self-esteem.
Plan ahead
If you feel lonely much of the time, it may be because you don’t enjoy spending time alone. To resolve this situation, make plans in advance for time you know you will need to spend alone. Fill the time with pleasant and interesting activities. Look forward to this special time. As you feel more and more comfortable with being alone, you will notice that the time you spend with others will also be more enjoyable.
Join a group or club.
Groups and clubs can be a great ways to make new friends. Pick something that fits your needs or something that you’re interested in. Sometimes, the hardest thing about joining a group or club is going the first time, and this is true for everyone. Just be determined and go. After you have gone several times, you will feel much more comfortable. If you don’t feel comfortable after you have attended several times, it’s ok to try something else.
Go to meetings, lectures, concerts, readings and other activities on campus.
Check the newspaper for listings of events that sound interesting to you. You might see people that you have seen at previous events. This provides a good opportunity to talk about your common experiences or interests, and is how friendships begin. As you get to know each other better, you may decide to get together again.
Volunteer.
Work for a worthy organization or cause that you feel strongly about. You will meet others who share your passion, and perhaps make some new friends in the process. There are many opportunities to get involved with volunteering on campus.
Reconnect with old friends.
Most people can think of friends they had in the past that they enjoyed, but with whom they have lost touch over the years. If you can think of one or several people like that, give them a call, drop them a note or send them an e-mail. If it seems that they are as interested as you are in reconnecting, make a plan to get together.
Make sure that the relationships you have with others are mutual
Make sure that you are there for them as much as they are there for you. Relationships often diminish and disappear if one person is doing all the giving and one is doing all the receiving. Make sure to tell friends when you need to be supported or feel the need to be heard.
Seek professional advice.
Counseling is a great place to get to know yourself, work on your confidence, and build skills to help you feel comfortable meeting people.