Tips for getting along during summer break

Anne Marie Theiler, a counselor in WWU’s Counseling Center and the mother of a college sophomore, offers some tips for families on getting along over summer break:

• Realize summer break may be bumpier than the shorter winter break. With a longer time at home, the old habits that created conflict during high school may resurface.

For more tips, check out:

• The WWU Counseling Center’s page for parents.
• “Don’t Tell Me What to Do, Just Send Money: The Essential Parenting Guide to the College Years,” by Helen E. Johnson and Christine Schelhas-Miller.
• Start school breaks right with a conversation about everyone’s expectations for the summer. Plan how you’ll work together to avoid old points of conflict. And negotiate rather than dictate: Theiler no longer enforces a curfew when her daughter’s home, but she’s clear that she worries when her daughter is out late at night. Checking in with mom “is something you can do for me while you’re at home,” she explains.
• Don’t be surprised to see students “trying out” different aspects of their personalities. Their ideas about politics, religion or lifestyle might be vastly different from the last time they were home. Stand back and give them space to explore without criticism, Theiler says. And remember these changes may be temporary.
• Parents don’t have to stay silent if their students are making choices that seem like terrible ideas, Theiler says. “Parents can share their concerns,” she says, “but ultimately, they are making their own choices.”
• Remember that mistakes can be lessons in disguise, so don’t jump in too quickly to fix things for students if they need help. “Encourage them, help them think it through and figure it out for themselves,” she says.
• Don’t take it personally if students refer to Western as “home.” It just means they’ve made a life for themselves at school – and that’s a good thing.